Pull-to-Refresh Is Our New Slot Machine—And We're Losing

Or what I learned from trying to drown my doubts and insecurities online

Photo by Ben Collins on Unsplash

I have a confession to make.

I'm a recovering gambler.

Over time, I got addicted to playing on slot machines, always chasing the next big win, the next dopamine kick to satisfy me.

Looking for this big win, this dopamine kick, I started investing more and more.

Then, everything changed.

Seeking peace in the wrong refuge

As you know by now, the last few months have been turbulent for me. I went from being a huge believer in the creator game to discovering how I'd only exploit others, fell into the abyss of not knowing what to do, quit writing, got rejected by countless companies for "reasonable" jobs, started writing again, and still don't have a new job.

At the same time, I learned more about myself than I had in a long time, became more conscious and spiritual, and rediscovered my interest in making sense of it all (although I was feeling—not thinking—wise). However, I spent more and more time distracting myself by doom-scrolling without even having accounts on Instagram, Snapchat, or Facebook.

Still, I spent more and more time watching stupid YouTube skits and videos, binge-watching entire series, and losing my drive. This was especially bad during the phase in which I didn't write at all, adding up to multiple hours each day spent consuming entertainment. Why? because I wanted to escape the situation.

And that's the irony.

On one hand, I learned how important being conscious is (far more than most would ever expect). On the other hand, I kept sleepwalking like a zombie. I just couldn't help myself, and I eventually grew tired of it.

First, I realized what I was doing to myself. Second, I realized how much more joy there is in the present.

Chances are, you're a gambler, too

Have you ever realized that pulling down to refresh your social media feed is like pulling down the lever of a slot machine?

Yes, I'm not talking about sports betting or online casinos here.

I'm talking about the gambling on social media.

The unfulfilled hope of lasting happiness as soon as we get another like, follow, or comment. The longing after finally hitting the jackpot and seeing our followers explode overnight.

And finally, the wish to leave it all behind.

We're gamblers.

Investing our time, often even our money, in social media.

And just like true gambling, it ruins our characters along the way. Seeing the people winning left and right, we become dissatisfied, even greedy.

Is that how your younger version has envisioned your life to be?

Miserable to the core because all you see is others' highlight reels?

Probably not, and that's your chance.

Unhook yourself

Stop thinking you're the victim.

Life has a habit of occasionally slapping everyone in the face. The only difference? The truly happy ones have started accepting, even embracing it.

Why?

Because they're convinced negative things happen for a good reason. Sounds weird, right? But if you think about it, it makes sense.

I wouldn't have realized how stubborn and narrow-minded I had become if my ex hadn't broken up with me.

I wouldn't have been able to earn my living writing if I hadn't realized that most of what I thought I was was wrong.

I wouldn't have learned that labeling things will always make us miserable if I hadn't seen my writing business crash and my health follow suit.

Thrice, I felt miserable. But thrice I grew even more.

This circles back to this:

Others don't have better lives.

They spend more time curating their highlights, trying to appeal to others so they don't feel bad, and they're just as trapped.

It's a defense mechanism.

And instead of thinking, "Damn, why don't I have that?" you could think, "Damn, I'm glad, I don't have all the stress."

Unhook yourself from thinking you're the victim and embrace something incredibly courageous nowadays.

Less time spent on social media.

When others stay stuck being online, go offline

Have you ever gone grocery shopping while you were hungry?

Horrible idea.

Instead of getting what you need, your stomach tells your brain to get what you desire.

The result? You can't help yourself.

All the snacks, convenience foods, and other ways of cheap edible dopamine wander in your basket.

On social media, it's even more insidious.

Because in comparison to the supermarket example, you're never not hungry. If social media is great for one thing, it's making you thirsty.

• The recipe video makes you want to eat.

• The funny meme makes you want to laugh more.

• The incredible scenery makes you want to travel.

• The person with little clothes on makes you want to f*ck.

• The latest fashion haul makes you want to buy new clothes.

Almost every single interaction is meant to make you want more.

And no, it's not with your best intentions in mind.

It's with your time and money in mind.

As soon as you realize and internalize this, you can unhook yourself and free yourself from all cravings.

The analog life is much more peaceful.

If you don't live in Times Square, cravings won't occur less quickly. And this will reset you. Make you calmer, less stressed, and more fulfilled.

It's one of the first things I realized after deleting Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, and Co. Of course, I'm still by far no monk, and I still catch myself spending too much time on YouTube.

But going offline more offline has enabled me to live a better, more fulfilling life. And that's what I want for you, too.

So, stop gambling on social media and start winning in real life.

Thank you for reading.

What has helped you overcome the cravings on social media?

Let me know in the comments.